Collapse - When a Death Occurs

Several things need to be considered when a death occurs. The order in which things need to be done usually depends on whether the death occurred at a residence, a public place, a care center, or in a hospital.

• When a death occurs in a care facility, such as a hospital or nursing home, the professional staff will notify you and the necessary authorities. If the name of the funeral home has been left with them, the institution will notify the funeral home at the time of the death. The funeral director will contact you immediately following their notification to help you proceed. (However, we suggest you contact the funeral home immediately, so you’ve got the reassurance you need that all is taken care of properly.)
• If a loved one was in the care of a hospice program, a hospice representative will give family members instructions and procedures to follow. The coroner/medical examiner will be notified will be notified by hospice. Following their release the hospice will contact the funeral home. (It is always a good idea for the family to contact to funeral home immediately so that they will be aware of the pending call.)
  NOTE: The Medical Examiner's/Coroner office needs to be notified to all deaths that occur in a home.
• In other situations, such as when a death occurs at home or in the workplace, a family member or co-worker should contact emergency personnel and the person's physician if he or she was under a doctor's care. If the death occurs at home with family or friends present, and the person is under a physicians care, the family will want to call the funeral home directly.
• However, if the death occurs in a residence and no one is there at the time of death, the police will need to be notified and respond to the residence before the deceased is removed from their home. If in any case you are not sure of who to notify or what to do, you may call your funeral home and they will assist you in notifying the proper agencies.

Collapse - Widening the Circle

Even if you’ve been aware of who needs to be notified in those first few hours, one of the first phone calls you will need to make is to the funeral home you will entrust with the care of your loved one. Funeral Directors are experienced professionals who can provide information and guidance.

While you may ask the director any questions at this time, you will be able to discuss the arrangements in detail later when you meet in person. During this initial call, the funeral director will gather information to be able to transport your loved one to the funeral home.

The funeral director may ask you several questions, including whether your loved one made any pre-arrangements and whether you give your permission to embalm the decedent, if necessary. The director will schedule a date and time for you to meet at the funeral home and will let you know what you should bring with you.

Others you will need to call are:

• Family members and friends
• Clergy or other spiritual advisors

If your loved one wanted to be an organ donor, inform the hospital staff or the organization which is to receive the donations. There are several other questions that you may have in regards to the death of your loved one:

• Do I have to have embalming?
• Do I need to purchase a casket?
• What about cemetery arrangements?
• Does the family have to engage the services of a minister?
• What type of service should we have?

By contacting Drum & Willis-Reynolds, we’ll be able to help answer your questions and assist in making the appropriate plans. You can reach us at (828) 464-3031.
However, one of the best ways to make sure that all of your questions and desires are taken care of is to make pre-arrangements. This is as simple as outlining your wishes to having all of the details written down and the financial arrangements prepaid. Please contact one of our staff at (828) 464-3031 to learn more about pre-arrangement.

Collapse - What is a Death Certificate?

A death certificate is a legal document signed by the attending physician indicating the cause of death and other vital statistics pertaining to the decedent. If your loved one died in an accident, the county medical examiner or coroner may prepare the form. The funeral arranger can help you prepare and file the death certificate with the state and assist you with purchasing certified copies. Certified copies are needed to apply for benefits due the family, to sell or transfer ownership of property, to gain access to safety deposit boxes and bank accounts and to receive Veteran's benefits. Additional copies may be ordered

Collapse - What Can I Expect When I Arrive at the Funeral Home?

When you visit the funeral home, the funeral arranger will provide you with price lists and guide you through the entire arrangement process, explaining how you can create a memorable personal celebration of your loved one's life.

The arrangement process may include:

• Preparing and filing the official death certificate
• Scheduling the location, date and time of services or events
• Selecting a casket, urn or other items
• Preparing an obituary notice
• Scheduling vehicles
• Selecting pallbearers

You may also sign necessary authorizations or make arrangements to have them signed by the appropriate family members.

Feel free to bring any photos, music or memorabilia so that you and your funeral arranger can discuss how you would like your loved one to be remembered. More and more people today choose to personalize the funeral services they plan for their loved ones. A favorite song, a favorite gathering place, even a favorite activity can all become part of the service. Our funeral arrangers will listen and assist you in planning a loving tribute that captures the spirit of the person whose life you wish to honor. To learn more about personalizing the service, please read the Personalization section of this Web site. The funeral arranger will discuss personalization with you during your arrangement conference.

The following checklist will help you remember what information about the decedent and items will be needed when meeting with a funeral arranger.

• Full legal name
• Home address
• Social Security number
• Date of birth
• Place of birth
• Father's name
• Mother's maiden name
• Veteran's discharge papers (DD-214)
• Recent Photograph
• Highest education
• Occupation
• Place of burial (if applicable)
• Clothing
• Clergy name and phone number
• Survivors (name and relationship)
• Insurance policies (if applicable)

Collapse - Burial and Cremation Arrangements

If you choose interment you will need to select a grave space, lawn crypt or mausoleum space and will want to choose a memorial or monument. There will be a professional service fee for the interment.

If you choose cremation, remember that you can plan a visitation and funeral ceremony to be held before the cremation. Another option is a memorial service to be held after the cremation with the urn present and/or a display of photos and other items that illustrate the life of your loved one. You also have memorialization options at the cemetery, including permanent placement of cremated remains.

A member of our staff will be honored to explain all of the options available to you.

Collapse - What if there is more than one register book? Do I sign both?

No. It is only necessary to sign the book one time. The pages of multiple books will be combined into one book for the family.

Collapse - How should I dress for a funeral?

Your dress should be an expression of dignity and respect to the family and those present at the service. Wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate. Generally, we see the immediate family dressed in dark, conservative colors. However, there are many factors that may encourage a change from this tradition, such as traditions of the community, religious or personal beliefs, or the age of the deceased.
We have also begun to notice that as people become more comfortable with "Celebration of Life" services rather than traditional Funeral Services that the colors, even of the immediate family, have become brighter and more colorful.
We encourage you to wear something that is clean and respectful in appearance. You may wear any color; your knowledge of the family and of the circumstances surrounding the death may help you determine what you would be most comfortable in.
We generally tell visitors to wear something that would be appropriate for a church service or an outfit that would be considered "business casual" for the visitation. We would still encourage professional dress for the Funeral Service. It is always better to err in the direction of formality rather than informality.

Collapse - What can I do to help a family who has experienced a death?

Make phone calls to other friends or relatives to help in notifying them of the death. Check on the house: Cut the grass… Get Mail... Answer the phone for them. Run errands

Collapse - How do I express my sympathy to the family of someone who has died?

Sympathy can be expressed with a handshake, a hug, recalling a memory of the person or a simple statement of condolence.

Collapse - What should I say when I see the family?

Comments should reflect your concern for the family. Offer support and encouragement to the family.

Collapse - What do I do about acknowledgments?

Many families wish to acknowledge those who send food, flowers or made a memorial donation with a note of thanks. No longer are personal letters expected in return for expressions of sympathy. It is not necessary to acknowledge those who attended the service or signed the register book.

Collapse - Is humor ever appropriate during such a solemn time?

Laughter during calling hours, as family and friends share stories about the deceased, is common. But, sometimes this can be upsetting or confusing for teenagers and children. It is always best to prepare them for the experiences ahead of them. Always follow the lead of those who are grieving, because humor is quite subjective.

Collapse - As a guest, am I supposed to stay for the entire span of posted visiting hours?

Visitors are not expected to stay the entire time of visitation. If you are close to the family and see a need you can fulfill by staying your presence would be appreciated. If there is a long receiving line, keep your remarks to the family brief to help facilitate the receiving of friends. You should certainly stay long enough to speak to the family of the deceased and express your sympathy. Once you have done that it is appropriate to leave, so that others will have a chance to do the same. What is the number one statement not to make to the grieving family? Most bereaved people tell us that the statement, "I know how you feel" is the most irritating, because (of course) no one can really know how someone is feeling. Rather than such a statement, we suggest you share what the loved one meant to you. If you did not know the deceased person it is helpful to say things like: "I'll be thinking about you." It is also appropriate to say, "I will call to check on you," but only if you really plan to do so. It is so important to follow through on offers of assistance, rather than simply making the statement at the time of services. Many times families will find a need for assistance once things have begun to "settle down" after the services and your offer and help could mean a great deal to them. Acts of kindness towards a grieving family do not have to be grand gestures but rather sincere gestures of help on many levels.

Some examples of such acts:

• Mow the grass
• Purchase groceries
• Change the oil in the car
• Baby-sit the children
• Provide a meal
• Provide transportation

Avoid telling the family to "Call me if you need anything" simply because when people are grieving they do not have the energy to call and ask for help. Again, we cannot state it often enough: It is important to follow through if you make an offer to help.

Collapse - Should I pre-arrange my funeral?

We heartily advise you to do so. There are many different reasons for pre-arranging a funeral. Some persons, especially those who are alone in the world, may want the assurance of a funeral and burial which meet their personal beliefs, standards or life-style. Others feel a responsibility to assist survivors by arranging approximate funeral and burial cost guidelines. Still others have moved to distant places, or maintain both summer and winter residences. They may want to make sure that certain recommendations are heeded as to where the funeral and burial or other final disposition will take place. Honestly, there are almost as many reasons for pre-arranging a funeral as there are people choosing to complete pre-arrangements.

Collapse - Can I pay for my funeral in advance?

There are many benefits to pre-payment. If you do choose to pre-fund your funeral services, your money is put in an interest earning account that will hopefully keep up with cost increases at the funeral home. After your funeral is paid for in full our price is guaranteed, and you will never have to pay more for the items you have already paid for.

Collapse - If I choose cremation, can I also have a funeral or memorial service?

Many people who choose cremation elect to have some form of religious or secular service either prior to, or following the cremation. Some have a traditional funeral service with the casket present. Others elect to have a memorial service, with or without the casket or cremated remains. There's great flexibility in end-of-life planning. Please speak with one of our experienced arrangement counselors for more options.

Collapse - Can we have a viewing before cremation?

Yes, of course you can. Cremation may follow a traditional funeral service that includes visitation, viewing, and a service with an open or closed casket. Always remember that it is our goal to provide you and your family with exactly what you want; so be sure to discuss all the details with a staff member.

Collapse - Is embalming required by law?

No. The purpose of embalming is to disinfect and preserve a body for a limited time for funeral purposes. If there is to be a public viewing with visitation and funeral services with the body present, embalming is considered necessary and advised. There may also be health, legal, or religious reasons that make embalming desirable or necessary.

Collapse - Should I bring my young children to the viewing or funeral?

It is our firm belief that children should be a part of any services conducted for your loved one. However, when very young children want to participate in a viewing, it is appropriate to ask the funeral director to bring the children at non-public times. This will make it easier for the family to deal with the child’s questions without being concerned about what others think of the child being there. Often, someone is then asked to take the child home so that the adults can participate in the usual rituals. If a young child will be attending a funeral service, it is helpful to bring along a neighbor or a friend who can take care of the child if the child should become restless.

Collapse - Are there any death benefits for veterans?

Yes. With an honorable discharge, you’re eligible to obtain funds to help pay funeral and burial expenses. If the death occurs in a V.A. Hospital or if the veteran is receiving a V.A. pension, certain additional monies may be allowable. A U.S. flag for the casket, and a government headstone for an unmarked grave, is also available. Interment without cost in a U.S. National Cemetery can also be arranged if certain requirements are met. In some cases, the widow or survivor may also receive further benefits.

Collapse - What should be done if my loved one dies away from home?

If death occurs away from home, a staff member of Drum & Willis-Reynolds should be contacted to arrange all of the details for you in any location on this continent and around the world. We can act as your agent to see that all your wishes are carried out.
There is no need for you to make a long trip and deal with strangers. We can make any necessary arrangements for burial in a distant city. Upon your arrival for the burial, you’ll find that everything is in order. If you cannot be present, you can be sure that your instructions will be followed.